This page hosted by Get your own Free
Homepage
.I don't have much to say except that I am warning you...alot of my poetry on this page is extremely depressing...I would go on about my hobbies and what I like to do and shit like that..but its pointless because it changes daily except for the fact that I love my job and my friends and family... alot has happened to me in the past 5 years and I have friends and family to thank for getting me through it...I thank each and everyone of you right now..if it wasn't for you and your friendships I dont know where I would be right now....ok enough of this sappy shit that makes me cry..on to my writings..... :-)
September 8th 1995 9:05pm
I wake up to the sound of a beep.
Damn....I fell asleep again..
your gonna be pissed.
I look around, confused by the beeping noise
But AH...I look...it is not you..
but its says its an emergency.
I didn’t call the number back right away...
I knew it....I felt it...
I start to shake as I dial those dreadful numbers.
“Kim...Kim...Kim....he shot himself..hes not
moving..the....i called 911”
So I softly tell him that i will meet him at
“the place”
You know “the place” where everyone goes
to die...that fucking place...
I call his mom...shes doesn’t believe me...Do
you blame her?
On the way there....
thoughts......
Do I cry?.....Do I yell?....Do I deny what's
happening and where I am going??
YES..YES...I Cry...I Yell...and I fucking deny it.
Pulling into “the place” all I see is
ambulances and families and friends holding each other,
crying.
Wasn’t it this time last year man????
When you were holding me and telling me we
wouldn’t have to go through this again??
I look around for you, hoping you will walk
up.....hoping to hear “It’s ok Kim...I am here
for you as always”..please..please I beg of
you.....be here...help me......
Where are you?? Where the fuck are you???
I cant go through this again....don’t you
understand??
You were there for me through everything...GOD why
wasn't it me?
I walk to the doors...shaking...HE looks at me
with a scared look in his eye....I walk to
the room...there you are...laying there...silence
but the beeps of the machines....
I grab your hand and pray to god they unplug you
from this hell and pain that you do not
deserve...You then squeeze my hand...i squeeze
back..tears falling..heart thumping..
I kiss you and whisper “I love you”,
knowing you hear me.
I then run out the doors....a few minutes later I
hear his brother yelling and crying....
Your gone...gone forever..I fall to the ground today
September 7th 1995 11:30pm..
and I look up at the sky “There will NEVER be a
day when I don't think of you, love you,
and cherish our times.....7 years...oh not a waste
at all..I will see you again my friend, my
brother, my lover and it will be the happiest moment
in my life...For now though...all has
Fade to Black with nothing but
nightmares and dreams of you”
Dedicated to James Colby Jones
Written by: Kim Newton
I love you
Memories of pain
Why is there so much pain in the world?
Why must we, in order to love, have to be hurt?
Can't I have that one feeling continuous?
The happiness....
the joy of hearing their voice...
the wonderful smile that you see in your dreams.
The feeling of nothing in this world makes you as happy as that one
person makes you.
Instead, these feelings are replaced later on with them holding
you,
them whispering sweet, sweet lies that you try so hard not to
believe.
But you believe them.....
and foolishly you trust them....
So begins the pain...
All of those feelings of happiness you thought would never fade,
have been replaced with hate.
But still you cant leave them..
there is that hope that one day..
things will get better.
So begins a life of hell that you have built for yourself.
You see......
no matter what....
you will think about that person and all the time you were together.
The sad thing is...
instead of feeling joy when thinking about these thoughts....
you feel regret.......
and you no longer have the ability to trust or care again.
Thoughts of you
I yearn to hold you
I yearn to kiss you
I want so badly to be "the one" for you.
"The one" that makes you happy.
"The one" that helps you through rough times.
and most of all
"The one" you can trust...
I yearn to feel you
I yearn to heal your heart of its long indured pain
I want so badly to be loved by you....
cuz you...my sweet...
are capable of loving me the way I need to be loved.
Those sweet words you say imbed themselves onto my heart.
So I go to sleep tonight with nothing but thoughts of you,
the thought of you looking into my eyes and seeing the happiness
that i feel
the thought of you whispering those sweet sweet words of kindness
into my ear,
your kiss on my lips, and the felling of your arms around me tight.
This way I shall sleep forever my luv.....
with nothing but thoughts of you.
Tears
I want to wake up in the morning and see that face....
I want to reach over and touch your soft sweet skin......
I want to lean over after i wake up and pull you close to me
kissing those lips that whisper sweet words to me in my dreams
It seems like all I do, All i have ever done, is dream.
Dream of waking up next to you....
Dream of touching that soft skin....
And dream of kissing those sweet sweet lips.
I can almost feel it as I close my eyes.
The words you say grab my soul and squeeze it,
only to make me want you more.
But now, I sit here with this pen in my hand and I start to
realize you are not here.
Im not holding you, kissing you, or even looking into those
beautiful eyes.
I hold my pillow close and I close my eyes as a single tear falls
down my cheek.
These tears I cry...are they tears of pain?
the pain i feel for not being able to so much as breathe the same
air as you..
or is it love..happiness..joy?
Tears of love, happiness, and joy for the way you make me feel
inside...
for you seeing me for me....
for the way you make me smile inside and out...
My love these tears i cry are not pain.....
but merely tears of happiness and the thought that soon...
soon i will not be dreaming of holding you...
i'll be able to breathe in your sweetness and hold it inside of me
forever.
Untitled
Why am I not over this?
Am I fuckingddd insane?
2 yeras, 6 months and 16days it has been.
But yet, all I do is dream of your face.
You were my sanity that I no longer possess.
You were my shield, that kept me from hurting myself.
You were my guide, to get me throught the days and nights.
All I have now is music and drugs.
Music to soothe my soul of its pain.
Music to ring my heart of its hurt.
Music t ogive me a place to hide.
Beer is my world, where I seem to slowly be decaying in its
vast amounts.
Pills that inhance my ability to sleep without the ghosts I so often
dream of.
Pills to cloud my thoughts of depression and insanity.
Will this ever go away?
Will you ever leave my mind?
Let me rest, please, tonight....just this once..without the
depressing thought
that your not here.
People think I'm crazy man,
people think I'm nuts.
But let them see throught my eyes...
let them see that cold, lonely night.
Let them see that diseased place where i last saw you slowly decay.
And then and only then will they understand what has been
inbeded into my soul and heart 4 ever.
You.
"Friends"
I left your house tonight realizing that the friend that I though
I had for years, really didnt exist.
You look at me with not one look of car in your eyes.
After 7 years of friendship I am treated like a staff infection.
Explain this to me....... I wish someone would.
Because you see, I did everything to help you out when you lost
everything.
I gave you my trust and my friendship. Which you will never
hold in your possesion again.
And now I cant even think of you without being sick to my stomach or
in raged.
But I realized alot from this little mind trick that you play.
Your shit, heh, guess you always were, and I always thought I could
never say that about you
but it feels extremley good to say it
You live off of other people, you have nothing of your own..
I wasted alot of time worrying about someone that cares for noone
but themselve.
And when you realize that noone else will give you the friendship
that I gave you for so long,
you will come crying back for me to be your friend, pal, compadre,
and dear just like
I said to you tonight when i walked out your
door......................... "Fuck you".
Kimmybaby
hotmail.com
This page hosted by Get your own Free
Homepage